Living in a Disabled World

Well I wasn’t going to blog anything but I need someone or something to talk to as I have no one else so here it is going to be.

I found out last week I am pregnant again. I am about 5 weeks now I think. I know I should be happy but that old question has reared it’s head. When I first went to see my councillor after Fin was born she said to me had I thought how I would feel when I got pregnant again. I kind of didn’t want to think about it as it seemed so far in the future at the time. Maybe I should have thought about it more. Happiness would have been my initial reaction and most womens reaction. But it just scares the hell out of me now. I didn’t get any symptoms with Fin until 6 weeks so I am trying to tell myself my lack of symptoms is because it is too early. I do have mild symptoms but nothing to write home about. With Fin my boobs were agony they just kind of hurt on and off this time which I find worrying. I am tired and very grumpy. I mean really grumpy, I feel about ready to snap at most things, work, home anything.

I am trying to relax as I read that stress can make you miscarry, so now I am stressing about being stressed….

So today, have had tender boobs on and off, a tiny bit of nausea this evening, very grumpy, I have spots all over my chin which I never get. I guess it’s the symptoms I don’t have that are more worrying than the symptoms I do have. I went to my gp last week so that I could be referred to my consultant. Not heard from him yet but my gp thinks he will want to scan me at 6 weeks which will be next weekish I suppose. Not looking forward to that at all especially having such an early scan in case they can’t see anything and I have to wait a week or two.

Work is awful but I am making sure I leave at 1730 every night. I don’t mind working hard but I am not going to ware myself out totally this baby is more important than work. Anyway I guess I just wanted to moan and nothing else really… Tomorrow might be a better day.