Living in a Disabled World

My legs are killing me!! Wii Fit is great and I think it must help you to get fit because I can barely walk today. Hmm I could walk yesterday so does that mean I am fitter or less fit now?? O and F had great fun playing on it yesterday. O is the super champion at the running he unlocked the 10 minute run and did it several times I think it will be a long time until anyone beats his top score.

The last few days have been a struggle. After losing Fin I quickly picked myself up and got on with life, I had little choice. I think the stopping for Christmas and also just the fact she would be due in about 6 weeks time has all caught up with me. The pain inside is almost touchable it is so real. Hopefully this is another step on the road to getting over the grief of losing her. k and I have also spoken about scattering Fins ashes as I was really dreading having to do that this year it just feels so final. K has said I can keep Fin with me as long as I want to and if it’s until I am 90 we will scatter them then. That is such a relief. I know she will always be with me in my heart but having her small white casket next to my bed just gives me something to talk to and touch, ok I sound like a fruit loop now…

I also ordered a Clearblue fertility monitor yesterday. That should help take the guess work out of when to try. I spoke to my councillor about it the last time I went to see her. I am pretty sure I ovulate every month as my cycle is regular and I get a thermal shift every month. The problem with charting and measuring your bbt it’s a great indication of when ovulation has happened but doesn’t tell you when it is about to happen so when the best time to do the business is. With my job and K not being in the best health to have too large a window to have to try in each month can get exhausting. I am not fortunate enough to fall pregnant quickly it takes me time. With F it took 4 years, with Fin it took over a year do I am hoping it is going to help. I can’t start using it I don’t think until cd 1 so will have to wait until my next cycle to give it a go. I did say to K what happens if it arrives and I fall pregnant before using it because they are fairly expensive bits of kit. But K said to get it anyway and we can just resell it if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant before hand. I have also looked at the Jonas Method again. Can’t say I overly believe in it but will try just about anything at this stage. So I have marked on my chart when we have to try for that method too, it shows January should be a good month so we shall see.

I have a drive to Gloucester and back today to take F home. Then work tomorrow. Can’t believe the Christmas break is almost over.